Copyright (c) 2014 Corey Harper
Old hat for experienced subs. Newbies and the spanking virgins may not be certain what those are, so I’m going to give a quick briefing here.
There can be some controversy about safe words, but I really think there shouldn’t be. I’ll define “safe word” for the purposes of this post as: any indicator–verbal or otherwise–communicated from the sub to the Dom, for the purpose of altering, or encouraging, the current activity.
What is the point of a safe word? Well, imagine you are bent over the bed, couch arm, or the horse, and your loving Dom is wailing away on your fine ass with your favorite paddle. It’s all going great, you feel warm and loved, and you are drifting away into subspace.
Then he alters his stroke for whatever reason–maybe he feels particularly sadistic that day–and you come lurching back to your brain. It hurts! And not in a good way.
What to do? You scream, “Stop!” But you screamed “Stop!” earlier, as part of your roleplay, because you really wanted him to overpower you–which he agreeably did. So screaming “Stop!” now will more than likely cause him to paddle you harder.
So what do you do? You agree–BEFOREHAND–on your safe words. The two of you will know which words mean stop, slow down, or Wow that feels good–keep going.
The three most simple, generic words are:
RED: Stop immediately! I’m freaking out!
YELLOW: What you’re doing is making me feel overwhelmed–please dial it back.
GREEN: Oh yes! Don’t stop! I will come soon!
You can also come up with your own safe words, as long as all parties in the scene know, and have agreed to, them.
But what happens when little subbie is ball-gagged, blindfolded, hooded, and upside down in some rope contraption the evil bastard concocted? Speaking isn’t an option. And there’s the additional hindrance of her possibly being waaaay out in subspace, and not being able to speak.
A quick digression: it’s my sense–not backed up by any scientific evidence I’ve ever seen–that a sub loses her power of speech in subspace, because her feelings and sensations take her so far into her right brain, that she simply cannot access anything in her left brain. Just my guess.
Okay, so subbie is mute, and so high you could use her as a speed bump and she wouldn’t complain. Now what?
Every scene is as unique as a fingerprint, so I can’t give a definitive answer that will cover all situations. It’s the evil bastard’s job to make sure it’s all worked out beforehand.
Some options: a bell in her hand, though that could jingle as she is whacked. A bike bell might work, one that has a button to press. She can hold a rubber ball, and drop it for “Red”. If she’s on a flat surface, she could slap her hand or foot on it to stop the action.
You begin to see that it can get complicated, but less so when everyone knows going in how control of the scene works. And the sub ALWAYS has control of the scene, something outsiders don’t realize.
The point is, it’s always the Dom’s or the top’s job to make sure the sub is okay AT ALL TIMES. If she can’t talk, dropped the ball two hours ago because she was on her fifteenth orgasm, and she’s forgotten she has hands and feet, it’s up to the evil bastard to keep checking in with her to make sure she’s breathing properly, that her color is good, and that none of her bound parts are turning dark purple, or worse.
Because really, we want to use her again. So don’t break her.